Miserable-Failure is a walrus-faced monopod with a plaid sweater and peacock tail. His two favorite utterances are “Oh no, not again” and “I blame this on toast”. It is thought if we knew why he said these things, a number of other mysteries about the universe would also become clear. Miserable-Failure dwells in the volcanic pits of The Lands that Burn, where he spends most of his time trying to drown himself in pools of boiling lava. unfortunately for Miserable Failure, he is immortal.